What triggered my dysregulation today and why?
Understanding Emotional Dysregulation
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why did I spiral so quickly?” or “Why can’t I just calm down?” you’re not alone. Emotional dysregulation isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s your nervous system’s natural response to perceived threat, shaped by past experiences and emotional patterns.
When we feel dysregulated, it means our body and brain have lost alignment. The thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) goes offline, while the survival brain (amygdala) takes control. This can lead to sudden mood swings, anxiety, shutdown, or irritability.
Dysregulation doesn’t mean something is wrong with you, it means your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do: protect you.
What Does Dysregulation Feel Like?
Dysregulation looks different for everyone. You might notice:
Racing heart, tight chest, or shallow breathing
Emotional flooding, anger, fear, sadness
Numbness, disconnection, or dissociation
Inability to focus or complete tasks
Feeling unsafe, even when you are safe
It can be triggered by external stressors like conflict, overstimulation, or criticism or internal cues like shame, exhaustion, or self-judgment.
Understanding your unique body signals is the first step in bringing yourself back into regulation.
Common Triggers of Dysregulation
Our triggers are deeply personal. They often trace back to experiences where our emotional needs weren’t met or where we felt unsafe.
Some common dysregulation triggers include:
Relational triggers: feeling rejected, criticized, or unseen
Environmental triggers: loud sounds, cluttered spaces, sensory overload
Internal triggers: negative self-talk, overthinking, perfectionism
Biological factors: lack of sleep, hunger, hormonal changes
It’s important to remember that triggers aren’t the problem they’re messengers. They reveal unhealed parts of ourselves still seeking safety.
How to Recognize When You’re Dysregulated
Awareness is your superpower. Before you can regulate, you have to recognize what dysregulation feels like in you.
Ask yourself:
How does my body signal distress?
What thought patterns arise when I’m triggered?
How do I behave when I feel unsafe?
For example, do you withdraw when conflict arises? Do you over-explain yourself to avoid rejection? These are protective strategies, your body’s attempt to regain control.
Learn more about What would a PKJ-style reframe sound like for something that stressed me?
The Science Behind Emotional Triggers
The amygdala, your brain’s alarm system, detects threat in milliseconds. It activates the sympathetic nervous system, which releases adrenaline and cortisol. Your heart races, pupils dilate, and muscles tense, preparing you to fight, flee, or freeze.
But here’s the catch: the amygdala doesn’t know the difference between real and perceived danger. A raised voice or critical tone can trigger the same biochemical response as a genuine threat.
Once you understand this, you can shift from self-blame to self-compassion. Your brain isn’t betraying you, it’s protecting you based on outdated data.
External Reference: Psychology Today: Emotional Regulation
What Triggered My Dysregulation Today?
When reflecting on what triggered you today, start by grounding yourself. Take a deep breath and notice what’s happening in your body.
Then ask:
What moment or event changed my emotional state today?
What emotion came up first?
What story did my mind attach to that emotion?
Sometimes, the trigger is external a harsh comment or unmet expectation. Other times, it’s internal a memory, a fear, or a sense of failure that resurfaces.
Internal vs. External Triggers
Let’s distinguish between the two:
External triggers: Environmental or relational cues that cause stress (a loud noise, an argument, a critical text).
Internal triggers: Thoughts, sensations, or memories that spark emotional discomfort (self-doubt, body tension, shame).
Both can activate the same physiological stress response. The more you practice noticing which type of trigger is at play, the easier it becomes to regulate.
Discover What emotion tried to teach me something today?
How Past Experiences Influence Today’s Reactions
Your current reactions often have deep roots. The nervous system remembers what the conscious mind forgets.
For example, if as a child you felt unseen or unsafe, your adult self might feel triggered when someone ignores your message or dismisses your feelings. The current event awakens the emotional imprint of the past.
Recognizing these patterns is not about assigning blame, it’s about reclaiming your power. When you understand the “why,” you can respond from awareness instead of autopilot.
Tools to Regulate in the Moment
Here are some trauma-informed practices to help you come back to center when dysregulation hits:
1. Grounding Exercises
Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This sensory technique brings you back to the present moment.
2. Breathing for Regulation
Slow, intentional breathing tells your body you’re safe. Try inhaling for 4 counts, holding for 4, exhaling for 6.
3. Movement
Shake out your hands, stretch, or take a walk. Movement releases trapped energy from the stress cycle.
4. Co-Regulation
Call or text a safe friend. Sometimes, we regulate best in connection, not isolation.
Nervous System Regulation Techniques
Drawing from Polyvagal Theory, you can activate the vagus nerve to move from fight-or-flight to calm presence.
Try:
Humming or singing softly
Gentle rocking or swaying
Splashing cold water on your face
Long exhalations or sighing
Each technique helps your nervous system shift from activation to safety a state where healing can begin.
Building Emotional Awareness
Emotional awareness begins with curiosity. Instead of judging your reactions, observe them.
Try journaling prompts like:
What emotion am I feeling right now?
What is this emotion protecting me from?
What do I need to feel safe in this moment?
When you treat your emotions as signals instead of problems, they lose their power to control you.
Long-Term Healing: Repatterning Emotional Responses
Healing from chronic dysregulation requires consistency, patience, and support. You can’t “think” your way out of a dysregulated state, you must feel your way through it.
Long-term regulation practices include:
Daily mindfulness or somatic meditation
Reframing limiting beliefs through coaching
Practicing safe, attuned relationships
Gentle exposure to old triggers in controlled environments
Each time you regulate, you teach your body that safety is possible again.
How Coaching Helps You Stay Regulated
A trauma-informed coach helps you bridge the gap between awareness and embodiment.
At PKJ Coaching, sessions focus on:
Understanding your nervous system patterns
Building personalized regulation routines
Reframing self-judgment into self-compassion
Creating new emotional safety pathways
You don’t have to navigate your triggers alone. A skilled coach helps you stay anchored when emotional storms arise.
Explore 1:1 Coaching Sessions at PKJ Coaching
Reconnecting With Safety and Presence
Healing is not about never being triggered, it’s about becoming less hijacked by your triggers.
Each time you practice regulation, you’re teaching your nervous system that it’s safe to stay present, even when discomfort arises. Over time, that presence becomes your new baseline.
When to Seek Professional Support
If your dysregulation frequently disrupts work, relationships, or sleep, professional support can help. Trauma-informed coaches, somatic therapists, or nervous system specialists can guide you through deeper healing.
Remember: seeking help isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom.
Partnering With a Trauma-Informed Coach
A trauma-informed coach recognizes your emotional patterns without judgment. Sessions might include breathwork, grounding, and reflection to restore body-mind connection.
This kind of coaching focuses not on “fixing” you but on helping you remember your innate wholeness.
Resources for Further Reading
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Anchored by Deb Dana
Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman
FAQs About Emotional Dysregulation
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It means your emotional responses are intense or prolonged, often due to stress or trauma, and you struggle to return to calm.
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Triggers like conflict, overstimulation, or unmet emotional needs can activate it.
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Yes. Through self-awareness, regulation practices, and support, your nervous system can find balance again.
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A trauma-informed coach helps you recognize triggers, regulate safely, and repattern your emotional responses.
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If dysregulation feels constant, affects your relationships, or leads to emotional burnout, it’s time to seek support.
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Begin with slow breathing, grounding exercises, and self-compassion. You can build stability one moment at a time.
Conclusion & Call to Action
Your dysregulation today isn’t a failure, it’s feedback. It’s your nervous system inviting you to listen, soften, and care for yourself in ways you weren’t taught before.
If you’re ready to stop reacting and start healing, I’d love to support you on that journey.
👉 Book a Trauma-Informed Coaching Call to begin your healing journey, or Join the Newsletter for weekly tools to support emotional balance and nervous system regulation.
