What do I actually want instead of what I keep chasing?
There’s a particular kind of exhaustion that doesn’t come from doing too much, it comes from doing a lot of the wrong things for the wrong reasons. The calendar is full. The goals are clear. Progress is visible. And yet, something still feels off.
That’s usually when this question appears: What do I actually want instead of what I keep chasing?
This isn’t a question about quitting ambition or lowering standards. It’s a question about alignment. About noticing when momentum has replaced meaning and when striving has drifted away from what actually matters.
What Does It Mean to Be “Chasing” Something?
Chasing is driven by urgency rather than intention.
When I’m chasing, I notice:
A constant sense of “not there yet”
Measuring myself against external markers
Difficulty slowing down, even when I’m tired
A belief that satisfaction will arrive after the next achievement
Chasing isn’t inherently wrong. It often starts as motivation. The problem is when it becomes automatic when I’m no longer choosing it, just responding to pressure.
Why Do I Keep Chasing Things That Don’t Satisfy Me?
Most of us learned what to chase long before we learned how to listen to ourselves.
We chase:
Approval because it once meant safety
Success because it promised security
Productivity because it earned praise
Certainty because uncertainty felt risky
Chasing often comes from the nervous system, not from desire. It’s a strategy for feeling okay in a world that rewards output more than presence.
What Am I Actually Chasing Right Now?
Naming this honestly is uncomfortable but clarifying.
Right now, I’m chasing:
Efficiency
Being perceived as capable
Keeping momentum
Avoiding disappointment mine or others’
On the surface, these look responsible. Underneath, they’re attempts to manage uncertainty and maintain control.
What Do I Hope This Chase Will Give Me?
Every chase is trying to meet a need.
When I look closer, I’m not actually chasing outcomes I’m chasing feelings:
Relief
Safety
Validation
A sense of “enough”
The problem isn’t wanting these things. The problem is attaching them to achievements that can never fully deliver them.
What Is the Cost of This Chase?
Chasing always costs something.
For me, the cost shows up as:
Chronic mental fatigue
Less enjoyment in the present moment
Irritability with people I care about
A shrinking sense of choice
The more I chase, the less space I have to notice what I actually want.
What Do I Actually Want Beneath the Chase?
When I strip away what’s impressive or socially rewarded, the answer gets simpler.
I want:
Ease
Spaciousness
Meaningful connection
Enough time to feel my life instead of managing it
These wants don’t look dramatic. They don’t perform well. But they’re honest.
How My Body Signals When I’m Chasing Instead of Wanting
The body notices misalignment before the mind admits it.
When I’m chasing, my body often feels:
Tight
Rushed
Wired but tired
Resistant to rest
When I orient toward what I actually want, I feel:
More grounded
Less urgency
A natural slowing
Clearer decision-making
The body is an early warning system. It tells the truth long before logic does.
How Control and Chasing Are Often Linked
Chasing and control are close cousins.
When I’m chasing, I’m often trying to control:
Outcomes
Timing
How others see me
How I feel about myself
Control offers temporary certainty but it disconnects me from desire. Wanting requires trust. Chasing tries to eliminate risk.
What Would Change If I Oriented Toward What I Want?
Orienting toward what I want doesn’t mean stopping everything. It means choosing differently.
I notice:
Decisions slow down but get clearer
Boundaries become easier to name
Fewer things feel urgent
Self-trust increases
The chase quiets when wanting is allowed to lead.
How to Begin Choosing Wanting Over Chasing
You don’t need to overhaul your life. Start with micro-choices.
Try:
Asking “What do I want right now?” before “What should I do?”
Noticing when urgency replaces clarity
Allowing desires to be unproductive
Letting one thing be “good enough” today
Choosing wanting is a practice, not a declaration.
How This Reflection Builds Emotional Maturity
Emotional maturity isn’t about having fewer desires it’s about being honest about them.
When I stop chasing what I think I should want and listen to what I actually want:
I take responsibility for my choices
I reduce resentment
I build integrity with myself
I respond instead of striving
That’s maturity: choosing alignment over approval.
Conclusion: Chasing Is Information Wanting Is Direction
The things I chase aren’t mistakes. They’re signals. They show me what I’ve been taught to value and where I’ve disconnected from myself.
When I ask what do I actually want instead of what I keep chasing, I don’t have to abandon ambition. I just have to reorient it.
I don’t need to stop moving.
I just need to move toward what’s true.
Ready to Reorient With Support?
If you’re feeling driven but disconnected and want help clarifying what you actually want beneath the chase you’re welcome to book a 1:1 coaching call, join the newsletter, or explore ongoing support.
